I have gotten a very angry relationship with my art. I don't feel like I improve anymore, and whenever I try to go out of my comfort zone I just get so intensely angry and frustrated that I just want to break everything and fall to the floor and cry. which is weird, because before I loved trying new things, exploring new techniques and styles. Now I just... I've given up. And it doesn't help that DeviantART is not doing it for me anymore. It feels so fake. I have to put so much effort and activity into keeping you guys satisfied that I wear myself out. And as I'm not improving or, drawing at all, the support that used to keep me going becomes non existent and I just want to give up. Not to mention the fact that the only time I get notice, comments and helpful advice is when I draw the same shit that I always draw. Whenever I try putting effort into something or trying something new no one gives a fuck, and that gives off so many confusing signals. I also managed to step into an art-trap, by drawing a style that is unbelievably physically hurtful to my wrist, giving me extreme inflammations whenever I try to hold a pen, which is why I have only been able to sketch on tumblr the last couple of weeks.
edit, regarding the 'praise' I do getIt also annoys me so much that people treat me like some kind of celebrity or art god, it's nice that you like my art and all, but I'm not really all that good, actually I'm pretty terrible. And fooling yourself to look at me as an idol and inspiration is stupid. All I want is to draw in a community of artists that treat each others art equal, help each other improve and praise where it is artistically deserved to be praised. I have no art education, I just like to draw. So when you comment praise beyond common sense, it just makes me equally confused about peoples view on what I do draw and if I have reached the top of my artistic abilities and that there only down from here.
I'm dwelling on leaving dA, changing accounts, or just take a long hard break.
I want to grow as an artist. not try to keep an audience satisfied at all times regardless of what I really want to do.
I love drawing, but sometimes dA feels like a big boulder tied to my wrist. and I don't really know why.